In the context of Mothers' Day, which we will celebrate this coming Sunday, we offer the following meditation.
I am not a mother, but I know how much pressure we put on mothers, as we usually point to them for their son’s and daughter’s success and, above all, failures. A mother’s love is instinctive which doesn’t mean necessarily that it comes from the heart, but, quite the opposite, it’s ingrained, and sort of imposed by their genes. A mother’s love, including, of course, adopting parents, is hardly chosen. It is the feeling of ultimate responsibility for their children regardless of their actions. Mothers are not always models of kindness and tenderness, but unless prevented by some health and mental illness, mothers embrace their children’s joys, and suffering and pains as those of their own.
In today’s wars and conflicts, thinking about mothers helps me to get some perspective beyond ideological or political views.
I think about the suffering of Ukrainian mothers as they see their sons and daughters being sent to war to defend their land, and (emphatic “and” here), I think about the mothers of the Russian soldiers also sent to kill and be killed in a war that they may not fully understand.
And I think about the mothers of those killed or held hostage by Hamas just because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I feel equally for the mothers of all the Palestinians killed in the spree of violence (many who were mothers themselves.)
I refuse to make sense of explanations about political calculations, nationalistic motivations, historical legitimacies. And I refuse to rationalize about lesser evils or proportionate response. I choose to dwell in the suffering of all the mothers (and the fathers, and sisters and brothers and grandparents…). It makes it less simple than taking sides, but more human, less soothing but more empathetic.
I have sympathy for Russian mothers, and Ukrainian, and Israelis, and Palestinian mothers. Of course, I do have an opinion about some of these conflicts. But my reasoning, my ideological view, my political persuasion (that I undoubtedly have) will not make me feel that the death of a human being, the death of somebody’s mother or father, is politically necessary, morally deserved or justified.
No matter what side you are on, no matter what your ideological persuasion and what reasons you have for it; If we fail to feel the suffering of a mother in Ukraine, in Russia, in Israel, Palestine, or any mother and father who loose their children, if we fail to empathize with them, if indeed, we fail to empathize with any pain and suffering, our humanity will have surrendered and succumbed, to the world of ideas and politics. Thus, we will have turned our hearts into stones.
