As we move still in the mood of Thanksgiving, I would like to offer a brief reflection about some dangers a misunderstanding the notion of thankfulness. It is well known that being thankful is a virtue that brings a healthy dose of realism and humility, makes us better citizens, and prone to generosity and solidarity. If someone is not really interested in these social virtues and civility, you should still try to be thankful if only for its purely egocentric benefits: it contributes to our emotional and psychological peacefulness, controls our frustration and resentment, and regulates our levels of envy and suspicion.
But let us not be mistaken: Due to some type of cultural distortion, perhaps because our persistent business mentality, we fail to differentiate the idea of being thankful from being in debt.
Being thankful does not mean that we are morally, emotionally, or otherwise in debt. We can be thankful to all those who have especially helped us in our journey, and we will do well to show our appreciation and gratitude. But, to be clear, we are not in any shape or form, indebted to one for what they have done for us. Nobody can claim anything from us even if it has influenced our lives in unique and positive ways.
When we confused being thankful with being in debt, we open an emotional account where solidarity and generous gestures both from others and our own are regarded as merely income or expenses. Being thankful or being thanked for can then become a dangerous game of emotional blackmail where we list all the things I have done for others, and thus everything they owe me, or conversely, everything I owe to others.
If the absence of gratitude is a sign of self-centeredness and narcissism, its excess can become servility and low self-esteem. We have to be thankful people, of course, but not in a way that would make us feel we owe to others or vice-versa.
Thank you!
